processofredemption

that's how long the "separation" lasted.  tonight we were both online at the same time, and after a while, she messaged me.  i thought about not responding to her, but i couldn't.  "if i could read your mind what would it tell me?"  my reply: "i miss you."  

my random favorite just now is "broken" by gregarious one.  appropriate.  r's last counseling session was today, and she's been dealing with a lot of issues.  one of which is me.  her counselor advised her that the best thing for her, and all of us, was to tell me that she couldn't see or have contact with me unless and until she's available and chooses to pursue me.  so . . . we're taking her advice.  it sucks, and we hate it, and yet it's the best thing. all of this transacted itself over email and messenger.  as we signed off, she told me that just for tonight she'd imagine she was sleeping next to me.  she said her hand was in mine.  i t

i watched hamlet earlier. a contemporary version with ethan hawke - wonderfully done, i might add.  i'm having trouble sleeping again lately.  so, it's after 2:00, i have things to do early, and yet here i am.  eight days ago, she and i talked - im'd rather - the first contact in three and a half months.  i initiated the conversation.  i'm still not sure whether i'm glad i did so or whether i regret it.  it was a six hour conversation - a lot of rehash, of course.  there have been a handful of emails since then - she couldn't remember if we left it on good terms or not.  nothing since tuesday night, i think.  i feel tethered to her, and some